Letting Go

Being a hopeful person is heartbreaking sometimes…there are days I would prefer to hide “under my rock”. One of my friends often tells me I live under a rock…mostly because I quit watching the news. She has even taken it upon herself to inform me of important breaking news at times. Unplugging from the world does keep my anxiety from getting the better of me…that is why I live under my rock. Too much time on CNN or even Facebook and my inner worrier will surface. 

Several weeks ago I brought the World into my home through my brother. We knew it would be a huge change to have him here and challenging for him as well as for us. I had so much hope for my brother then…I still hope he will find his way in the world but I know that I cannot help him. He brought the World’s ways with him into our very Christian home. He must have been very uncomfortable here. He is gone now. He not only quit practicing his Christian faith but openly denounced Jesus. 

The man that sat at my kitchen table was no longer my sweet little brother. He is his father. As I slowly realized and accepted that fact I grieved. I was angry for a few days. So angry I could not look at him and could barely speak to him. He never intended to accept the help and shelter we offered. He manipulated and used us to escape his current situation. He chose alcohol and for him that is the same as suicide. That is his choice to make but not here…not in front of my children.

I  grieve the loss of my brother. He is in God’s hands now. I just pray he accepts those nail pierced hands…somehow…before his life is over.

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4 thoughts on “Letting Go

  1. Don’t ever give up hope. With God all things are possible. There are people in my life who I never thought would find Him and I gave up hope. In spite of me, God never gave up on them. You may never know how his time with you all changed his life. No, you didn’t bring in the harvest, but maybe… just maybe you were preparing that soil for a future harvest. Just keep loving him, don’t let bitterness and anger get in the way of showing him the Light. Much love and prayers.

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    1. No I have not given up hope. I think my part in his story is done for now. If being “kicked out” by his own sister is what he needs to help turn his life around than I will be glad for the pain and count it as joy. I can only pray for his soul and that he will accept the love of Jesus.

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  2. I am so sorry Audria, I feel your pain and am praying. Having been married to an alcoholic/drug addict was life changing for me. He does have to help himself and find Jesus, only way for him to overcome. Love to you friend xoxo

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