Being a hopeful person is heartbreaking sometimes…there are days I would prefer to hide “under my rock”. One of my friends often tells me I live under a rock…mostly because I quit watching the news. She has even taken it upon herself to inform me of important breaking news at times. Unplugging from the world does keep my anxiety from getting the better of me…that is why I live under my rock. Too much time on CNN or even Facebook and my inner worrier will surface.
Several weeks ago I brought the World into my home through my brother. We knew it would be a huge change to have him here and challenging for him as well as for us. I had so much hope for my brother then…I still hope he will find his way in the world but I know that I cannot help him. He brought the World’s ways with him into our very Christian home. He must have been very uncomfortable here. He is gone now. He not only quit practicing his Christian faith but openly denounced Jesus.
The man that sat at my kitchen table was no longer my sweet little brother. He is his father. As I slowly realized and accepted that fact I grieved. I was angry for a few days. So angry I could not look at him and could barely speak to him. He never intended to accept the help and shelter we offered. He manipulated and used us to escape his current situation. He chose alcohol and for him that is the same as suicide. That is his choice to make but not here…not in front of my children.
I grieve the loss of my brother. He is in God’s hands now. I just pray he accepts those nail pierced hands…somehow…before his life is over.