Journal: The Week We Couldn’t Keep It Together

the moment I wasn't ready for

the moment I wasn’t ready for

I’m not writing from my usual spot. The sounds are a distraction, the lighting is bothersome, my broke-down computer chair isn’t here, and I forgot to pack the mouse. All little things but they are keeping me from finding my flow. I feel the words but they are bottlenecked in my brain…captured by the emotional buzz of over stimulation. Usually a glass or two of wine cures the block. Sadly, I have no wine. Maybe that is for the best tonight. I have a tendency to make people uncomfortable when the wine frees my inhibitions to speak plainly.  I used to work really hard to make the people around me happy and comfortable only to realize it was making me miserable. So I quit trying to please the ones who stomped on my heart…just walked away.

We left home this week. I was so exhausted that I missed the moment. The realization didn’t hit me until we exited onto I24. I’ll return soon to oversee the move, inspectors, repairmen, and cuddle needy children. The moments will fly by and suddenly I’ll be standing in an empty house. The children will feel a bit lost and insecure. Expressing such

Oldest knocking down the cobwebs

Oldest knocking down the cobwebs

feelings in their own unique ways. We’ll return to the house a few times to collects the things that movers must leave behind. But it won’t be the same.

An empty house is sad and lonesome. I guess because it is just a house and not a home. No family to shelter from storms and cold. No children picking “dandy lions” in the yard…just echoes of memories swirling in the dust like ghosts.

We signed the listing on the house exactly seven years from the day we purchased it. Kind of a strange coincidence. I wasn’t ready to see the big “for sale” sign in my yard this week. I am very excited to be moving back home to central Kentucky but for some reason I thought there was a little more “time”. It took all of my strength not to shed a few tears watching the realtor put the sign in the yard. My hands shook as I signed the listing papers.

Oldest's last guitar lesson

Oldest’s last guitar lesson

Wednesday was Oldest’s last lesson with his mentor and guitar teacher. As we sat down to eat our last meal with our church family I see that he was holding back his own tears. Mrs. C shared our table with us like she does every Wednesday night. We’ll miss her. Sparkles cried like there was no tomorrow when we left church that night.

Thursday was the day I broke down and cried like there was no tomorrow. So many things went wrong that day and I was just done. I cried in front of the kids…not just tears. I wailed. Littlest kept hugging me. I couldn’t deal with everything by myself anymore. I reached out to my friend and she rushed over to help. She spent a few hours listening to me, fixed the things I could not handle and then we just sat

with my sweet beautiful friend

with my sweet beautiful friend

together and talked. I found the courage to say the things to her that often go unsaid in friendship. I’ve moved many times in my life and people come and go. Often, I never tell others what they mean to me. I wanted her to know she mattered, that she made a difference in my life. We cried and hugged but we didn’t say goodbye. Because it wasn’t. She stopped by a couple of days later to pick up our bunnies. Monty and Polly went to temporarily live with her family. We’ll return for them in a few weeks when our house is finished.

schooling in the apartment

schooling in the apartment

Our grumpy kitty couldn’t come with us. I said goodbye to her when we left. Another friend (Mrs. Cuddle-me) stopped by our house later that night to adopt Zee. I’m sad to let her go but glad that she is going to a family that completely spoils their pets!

Today was a good day. We chose to visit the apartment we’ll be living in until our house is ready. We put in a full day of school since we have nothing else to do here. The kids were so happy to be doing something “normal” again. We read from our read-alouds, worked on math, science and history. For a few hours we forgot all about the move and had a great time together.

Linking up with: Weird Unsocialized Homeschoolers

 

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20 thoughts on “Journal: The Week We Couldn’t Keep It Together

  1. Oh, wow. Moving is HUGE! I’m sending you computer hugs. May nothing be broken but stuff you should’ve thrown out anyway, may many things be donated and not missed, may every SINGLE child make a wholesome new friend at your new home, may YOU and your husband make new friends too, may the sun shine upon you, and God be with you! Oh, and may there be very good wine.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh I feel for you and hate I didn’t get to send you a proper send off, thinking I had more time too! Having been in this spot and will be again soon, tears flow for you sista!! Love you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Aww bless you, totally know how your feeling I moved country 3 months ago and said goodbye to home, family and friends, also had a mini break down haha
    All will be good again, your on your next adventure ready to build new memories with your family,
    Thinking of you, 😊 x

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Moving is so hard! My husband and I have moved and started over more times than I’d like to think about and it never gets easier. I have slowly learned (and am still learning) that the hardest goodbyes are the ones where you’re leaving a place that really shaped you and where you were able to build a beautiful life and community. Sounds like this was one of those for you. They’re the hardest and the best. So much to be grateful for but so much to leave behind. Praying for a good transition to your new home and some kindred spirits to make the transition easier.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I feel your pain but just imagine how many new friends you will have, new places you will have visited and memories you will have obtained by next year this time! And who knows maybe we’ll even have an opportunity to meet one day! As for me, I can’t wait to give you a big hug and tell you how much your family has meant to me these past three years as my close blogging friend. Blessings for a successful transition,

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I can relate to so much from this post! Moving has always been emotional for me. Even this last move, which was quite simple in comparison to our biggest moves (some overseas), had me in tears as we waved to our oldest daughter, standing in our driveway,and we drove away, to move only one state away from her (and our oldest son). I’m glad you have homeschooling as one stability through all this transition. Can’t wait to hear about your new adventures.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Moving is in the top 5 of “most stressful life events”. I think it’s good you show your children your sad/emotional side. Then, how you pick yourself up and move on making the best of the situation. And I’m sure soon you’ll tackle it as an adventure and a new beginning once you are completely in your new place.
    Thank God for good friends too! May you make many in your new home.
    I love your writing and your transparency……. God bless you and your family during this transition!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Oh, so many “goodbyes.” So glad that you were surrounded by so many wonderful people and friends. I hope that you will find an equally supportive and loving community in your new home. New adventures await! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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